Crying Inside

Dear Miss Monroe:


HELP! I need some advice… I know this is long and a lot to read but I feel like I need to give that background to the problem and give you all the information. 

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We are now 24 and 25 years old. We met in college and are both graduated now and living together. 


We've lived together now for about nine months and I'm not happy anymore. I admit that I've changed. I don't like to party every weekend and he still does. He can NOT go one weekend without partying.


For example, last night, none of his friends wanted to go out.  He sat in front of the tv drinking by himself, texting and calling friends to try to get someone to go out with him. Finally at 10:30 he said, "I guess I'm not going out tonight." Many Saturdays, he likes to go out during the day to bars with friends to watch sports and he'll usually ask if I'd like to go along. So that was his plan for today. For some reason, I broke down and decided I'm done. 


We've had many conversations before about how I've changed and we are not in the same place in our lives anymore. I like to go out and have a good time but not every night of the weekend. I think that after this much time, we should be taking our relationship to new level. We’ve talked about our timelines for marriage and kids. He wants to wait until about 30 and I don’t.

So our conversation this morning went like this:
Bob: I’m meeting Erik at the bar at 3pm. Wanna go?
Me: Yea, in 20 minutes, this show is over and I’ll get in the shower then.
10 minutes later….
Bob: Hurry up and shower.
Me: Ya know what, we need to talk. I am not happy and I will never be happy with you.
Bob: What? I just wanted you to shower so we could be there by 3pm. You’ll never be ready in time. (it was 1:53pm)
Me: That’s not the point!
Bob: We are 25 and I like to go out on the weekends.
Me: And that’s who you are and I don’t want to be with that because that doesn’t make me happy. You can’t stay in with me and NOT drink. You can’t do anything on the weekends besides drink at the bars or in front of the tv.
Bob: I don’t understand how this developed from me wanting you to shower so we can be at the bar by 3pm.
Me: It’s not about being at the bar by 3pm. I think about this every night but I held it in. But it’s funny how you have to stick to your time restraints to be at the bar by 3 pm and you’ll walk all the way there in the cold, but you won’t go for a walk with me because it’s too cold!
Bob: I’m walking to a place where I’ll go inside and get warm right away!
Me: (rolling my eyes) No, I’m done. That’s it.
END OF CONVERSATION… I went to shower and cried a lot. He got ready and went to the bar at 3pm. He said “I guess I’ll see ya later,” when he left. I said nothing.

I don’t get that tingly feeling anymore. We are more like roommates than anything. There’s no passion. There is only sex and it’s only like once MAYBE twice a month.


Is it possible that we were only good together in college?  If so, is it worth waiting for him to grow up and change?  Many times, I have tried to think of all the positives in our relationship instead of the negatives and have never been able to come up with more than a few.

Bob is just inconsiderate all around. He doesn’t send birthday cards. He doesn’t do the small things that I wish he would. For example, he doesn’t call just to say he’s thinking about me, hold the door for me, ask how my day was, etc. THE SMALL THINGS! This might sound dumb, but he doesn’t use a blinker when he drives and if he does, it’s at the very last second before he turns. I think that is inconsiderate as well.  I asked him one time why he doesn’t get the mail ever? The mail box is right at the front door when you walk into the building. I think these things are all selfish!

I’ve learned to deal with some of these things because I accept that that is how Bob is and I love him and fell in love with him for being that person. What do I do now?!?!


Crying Inside


Dear "Crying":


Blech.  I can't believe I was able to finish your letter.  Somewhere after the second paragraph I fell asleep on my wine glass.  Now I have Cheez-It crumbs embedded in my forehead.  God!  You are really, really boring.


Now.  Go back and re-read the letter you wrote me.  Read every mind-numbing, exhausting detail.  Imagine this situation with two or three kids, a dog that shits on the floor and eats cold hot dogs from the kitchen trash, sporting events, head lice, illnesses, deaths, taxes, car repairs, and a mortgage (probably upside down)  thrown in.  Yuck!!!  I want to shoot myself in the head.


Go find your own place.