Can't Take Much More

February 11, 2011

Dear Miss Monroe:

I have been married to my husband for 23 years.  The problem I have is with intimacy.  I feel like we are like brother and sister.  I have only seen him naked two times, and they were both accidents!  We had "sex" on our honeymoon, but he hasn't touched me since!  I really am lonely.

I have tried to schedule romantic trips, but he always wants to invite his friend and his friend's wife.  I like Lisa and Ethan a lot, but I want some time with my husband.  I try waiting up for him at night, but he comes to bed so late, it's like he is trying to wait until I fall asleep.

I have tried it all:  Sexy lingerie, role playing, candlelight dinners, you name it.  Last month, when I tried to give him a sexy baby oil massage I read about in a magazine, he jerked away and said his stomach hurt.  Am I missing something here?

Signed,

Can't Take Much More!

Dear "Can't Take Much More":

You are missing one tiny detail.  Your husband is gay.  Get a divorce and some counseling, darling.  And possibly a clue.