Confused in Post Falls, Idaho

Dear Miss Monroe:


I have spent 45 years of my life trying as hard as is humanly possible to be a best friend, confidant, and working partner with my younger brother.  I have worked for his company on and off for the last 15 years.  


I really enjoyed my job and was the number 13 salesman in my office out of 20.  I have been passed over for promotions eight times.  Each time they have claimed "performance issues" and "trouble reading social cues."  


In October, I was told by my boss that I should go ahead with a home purchase I was considering.  I thought all was well, and happily moved out of my brother's basement into my new home.   


In December at the office holiday party, I have to admit I had a little too much to drink.  I was talking to one of the secretaries who had pretty much given me many hints she was interested.  Well, she went to Human Resources with it and I had to take special training and everything.  Meanwhile, she sits perched at her desk in her low-cut sweaters and short skirts and I'm the one with egg on my face.


In January of this year my brother's GM came to me and told me I was being laid off indefinitely.


I have been sacrificed again and again and my level of dedication to the company and the family business is not in question. Yet I am still out right after I bought a home. My brother takes a hands-off stance saying he cannot overrule his GM because it would undermine his authority. My brother has always kept me at arms' length and has tried to convince me to change careers entirely even though I have a great passion for the business.


I have been offered another job at my brother's direct competitor.  My brother has worked hard to convince me that I shouldn't burn any bridges and try to go after his business. He claims my layoff is temporary but can give no time frame of my return.  The new company wants me to chase the business I had been doing with clients from my brother's company. My heart and soul are with my brother's company but I feel I have been manipulated, used, and thrown out like a used Kleenex and really have a hard time wanting to keep a good relationship with my brother.  He has hurt me time and time again, and will not stand up for me even though he knows I do a great job.


What would you do?


Dear "Confused":


I am going to do you a huge solid by clearing up your "confusion."  But first, I have to ask:  Are you male or female?  When I started reading your email I assumed you were male, but then vacillated back and forth a few times as I continued reading.


Anyway, here's the deal.  Either you really, really suck at what you are doing or your brother is a major asshole.  I'm kind of leaning towards the "you suck" side.  Even from your own martyr-like standpoint, it seems like you aren't very good at your job and you just haven't been willing to understand this.


Should you take the job with your brother's competitor?  Shit, yes.  You have a mortgage to pay.  But if you start having "social cue" and "performance" issues with this new company, consider another career.


And tell your brother to eat shit.