Fighting Fat in Utah

Dear Miss Monroe:

I am fifty years old and I currently weigh almost 400 pounds.  For obvious reasons, I am trying to lose weight.  The extra weight I am carrying has caused me to have back problems, knee problems, and foot problems.  I get winded after walking just a few steps.  I lost my job because they claim I can't "safely" fit in the delivery van.  I need to change.

The problem is my wife.  She will not support me at all in my endeavor to lose weight.  Last night I was watching TV on the couch when she brought me my dinner.  I asked her to prepare me healthy yet edible foods for my meals.  She brings me a plate with one chicken breast and some fresh green beans.  How am I supposed to live off of that?  After I gagged down my dinner, she kept nagging me to go out and walk around the neighborhood with her.  She knew the game was on!  I got so upset at my wife's lack of support that after she went to bed (I was STARVING by this time), I ordered two cheese stuffed pizzas with extra sausage and ate them.

The next morning, I realized that my wife had cleaned out the kitchen cupboards.  Again, she starts nagging about going for a walk.  The breakfast she gave me?  One CUP of Grape Nuts, SKIM milk, and a banana.  What the hell?  She told me she got rid of all the Pop Tarts, honey buns, and cookies and candies to "help" me.  Help me?  I think she is trying to kill me!

Today she came home and gave me a gym membership.  WHAT. IN. THE. WORLD.  She knows I am too fat to work out!

Miss Monroe, how can I get my wife to realize that I need her support?  And when will she see that I do not need to be doing all these extra activities?  I am seriously considering making a counselling appointment for her.

Signed,

Fighting Fat Alone in Utah

Dear "Fighting Fat:"


Hmmm.  It sounds like you need a mother, not a wife.  Will your parents take you back?  Please ask them today.  If that is not an option, consider checking Craig's List and your local nursing homes for someone who wants to take on responsibility for a 400 pounds-and-counting, non-working, imbecilic male with a victim complex.  Good luck!